The quest for True Belonging… Finding the Courage to Stand Alone…

Just because… your family; that doesn’t mean you must force a relationship..

I have just mourned the Live Death of My sister and now since my mother has has a major health issue she is taking with her again. Forgiving all of what she has done I guess. Na it’s her personal gain. She only wants to see the grandchildren and my sister is the ticket to ride. Sad how I am the only one who can see this manipulation. Even as sick as my mom is she is manipulating. The puppet master at her finest. I’m glad I have cut the strings; they kept getting tangled up any way. No more carrying the weight of her manipulations. My brother don’t see it either or he does and just don’t care. I care

I am again the only one holding the levy back: well im not holding it back. I am allowing it to freely flow. I’m on the bank watching it all unfold like the fool on the hill.. They all think im a fool… Ok I’m ok with that. lol IS it the easy way damn straight.(no pun intended) MY mind is free I cannot fence time or mess with Mother Nature. We must allow it to take is Course and hope for the best. I’m proud of myself for seeing this so early on. I have grown mentally so much in just a year. wow

See, this may sound like a complaining rant however; it’s what I lived…

I was alway the one who would do what I was asked to do. Just doing it was easy. It also got me out of the house and helped me become independent like I am today.

Taught me early on life lessons that I still carry today. My mom had no idea she was doing this as I have said previously in my other blogs. My family just uses me. I allowed it but now, I am only doing what I can when I can. NO more being taken advantage of in my mind and body. IM jus tried of the mind games.. I don’t have the member card any longer LOL. I have expired my membership. haaaa!!! Guess what honestly, I don’t care. Once I did that full freedom has come to me. I see clearly now the rain is gone. I fixed the hole, well still fixing the hole where the rain gets in…

Update, I have no idea when I began this entry. However, I honestly have grown. Grown so much that I am seeing more clearer now than ever. What I allow will continue. I am ok with that. As Me, Myself and I hold the ball, key or steering wheel now. I choose when, who or how I allow myself to be in there company.

NO one knows how it truly feels to become a mother. You can read books, seek counsel and watch movies etc.. With all that nothing I mean NOTHING prepares you. My parents were like chipmunk parents. Leave you after a week then join a commune. LOL. they did the best they could with what they knew. this is why parents say I strive for you to achieve more then I have. To sore above my limits. If they were self inflicted or not. Sore children change your vantage point……..

I don’t give them enough credit. I always tell my girls well..not always when it’s appropriate. IT’s perspective.. Vantage point. Just like drawing anything. You must draw what you see not what you think it should look like.. Everyone has a different skill level of articulating, illustrating so do all parents. Becoming a parent you don’t realize it at first. you are beginning your masterpiece. It’s unique to you and you’re beautiful child. its the last true originality left in this world. well my parents truly are one of a kind. and I hope I can be as good as they tried to be. In my previous posts I had a great deal of vindictive characteristics. I was allowing that to be fueled by two individuals who are just being themselves. Individuals who cannot pump gas to fill a car they cannot drive. Perspective…..

I have tried for years to change them or make them fit into my box of comfort. Have they hurt me yes. Have they let me down .. yes.. But my vantage point or perspective has been blocked by my own ignorance. they are who they are and will not change so the only thing I can do is change my vantage point. Get out my pencils. sharpen them more. Begin to draw and see the crisp defined lines that I alone can illustrate. I am the master of my own masterpiece. I alone see. Learning to accept what you cannot change is one of the most powerful realizations. Harness it. Grab the reins and ride. You have the power to ride in the directions you choose. Use that fork in the road to eat that dessert you have been saving.

Thanks for reading. hope it helped you today it certainly helped me!

open my mind. ty

Emotionally Immature Parents

Home from helping my father celebrate his Birthday. Took them my parents out for breakfast. As you know I cannot visit them for any length of time. I cannot stand that they are on a fixed income and still complain about being poor and still manage to buy cigarettes after dad having heart attacks and blood clots and lung issues. Mom beating three cancers Breast, bladder and skin beating a stroke and still continues to smoke. Heavily,, They both have dogged many bullets and lived to tell their stories. My father still drinks non stop 12 pm till 5-6 pm daily. It is so stressful to just be around them knowing how badly they are finically. I do drop off dinners and take them to the food stores when needed. I never give them money they would use it for nonsense crap that they drink or smoke away. Also my bday is next week and my mom tries to take the check and pay for the breakfast out for my bday>> this is my gift to my father and she wants to own it WTH!!!! I cannot make this crap up.

WHY Why am I Writing this??

Well I needed and out. I know the same old stories that my friends and family say to me about them and how I cannot change them or cannot open their closed (by choice) (selfish By choice) Minds.. However. As me being the Capricorn I am Cannot turn it off.

So at breakfast this is what set me off/ I was poor my mom was going and still is going through a breakdown of her mind slowly… MY mothers mother passed and since then she has not grasped happiness….. She still thinks she can find it in weed or smoking or games online whatever

MY father says to me his other granddaughter my sisters kid has to work and he don’t like it… Mind you she is 19… I was working and going to college at the same time. Didn’t get a single dime from my parents they had it then but were balling out of control with their recreational items… Pissed me off and I had a whiplash reaction as I worked and went to school took the bus subway and el train to do it all. Still managed to do wash and clean up dishes at the same time!! I dont get it why they feel so badly for them? why there is always a sore spot for them and my kids its like oh they are fine and dont need anything. well they do their time with them and they are getting older and will not get it backer again.. I also dropped off their Christmas gifts as I dont visit anymore they are too addicted to weed for me to visit. I cannot even stop after food shopping to help with bags in the house( I have a entire care full of groceries for me to take in myself after helping them)) MOm has to go down and smoke some of her shit.. IM like what ever man. IM not a dick but im getting tired.. I am doing less and less

I love them they are my parents but I still have a few scars that are visible and hard to look at still. I just hope I am not doing this to my children

That’s my rant Im done thanks for the eyes and Have a great day

The Road is long and winding make sure you have Lemons!:)

Its a Friday and I’m cleaning my house listening to the Beatles. Absolutely love them. The song the long and winding road comes on… Man I am tearing up and belting out all the lyrics. It’s my relationship with my sister in one song. I am not taking to her and do not plan on it at anytime in the future. Its so crazy how one song can just break you down for a moment and make you feel that sadness and joy all in the same moment. bitter sweet.. I still love her as my sister. As the person I knew 15-20 years ago. the person who wasn’t negative all the time.. the strong confident woman who I did want to be like at one time in my life. I look back and I’m glad I didn’t realize how she was dragging me down or mentally and emotionally abusing me. If I did I would not be me today. I would have been just a bitter and angry as she was. Im glad I was wearing my rose colored glasses and smiling. Yes I still wear my glasses but from time to time I pull them down and look at things at the end of my nose.LOL>>>. ..

We must protect ourselves from those who don’t genuinely care for our well being . People who choose to eat the lemons and taste the bitterness of it, They choose to feel how it makes them hate lemons, how it burns you if you’re cutting them with cuts on your hands. See I look at a lemon and yes they are bitter but, they can be so much more. The color for instance is a sight to behold . You can make so many wonderful things from a lemon and it can be used for so many other purposes besides eating! Life is so much like a lemon. odd shaped. bitter and sweet. can burn.. small. fragile. etc…you get my rind LOL

If your reading this I wish for you to be a lemon lover. and squeeze your lemon for all its worth! Love life and smile

Drink the lemonade even put some spirits in it if need be. just smile, just be… xo all

What is this Life FOR?

We all ask this question once in life time of our existence. I ask more now because of the constant turmoil this entire country is in. Our past generations have endured way more intense situations of instability. Air raids were huge back in the early 40’s here in the USA. I look back and see how happy those people were to live in the USA. How safe they felt even knowing they could have BomB dropped on them at any moment in time. Showing their children how to face the facts of this bomb dropping and practicing air raid drills with them. How these parents felt about this all. Questioning if they should have had children or why are they doing this all . Luckily they all workout in the end.

We have had many wars since then and prior and humankind has managed to grin and bear it forward with life. Today? You would not even know anything was happening. I kinda feel trapped in the emerald city looking at the wizard of oz.. Wheres Toto when you need him to expose the truth? Does anyone else feel like were all Trumans? When will this nightmare end? When will we all stop watching the news and tune the world out and focus with in? Sadly I feel the world, country and humanity has lost it ever-loving minds.. Parents give their child a phone. People have phones; which has complete uncensored access to the whole world and any information they can manage to look at. They have so much information yet the lack of complete common sense is a true pandemic. What do we do? How did we allow ourselves to be entertained so long by the great and powerful OZ? Everyone is and expert? no one is original? we’re all trying to out do the next great challenge or ticktock? why? How is this good and normal. Are we a bunch of vanity Smurfs walking around? how is what we all do so interesting to others? Aren’t we not living by existing and watching others live and exist while we are alive? boggles my mind so much.

Slowly being pecked to death.. by Teen girls… Help the mom….

It begins with being married. 

Then you have this tenuous decision to have chikdren.. 

You slowly watch them grow.. At first it’s exciting. New. You have no clue what your are doing. So what do you do. Wing it. Like your first babysitting job. Wing it. But now you have an actual wing man who, for the most part is useless.. He too is winging it. 

How is it that you need a licence to practice Medicine… Be a teacher…. A dentist… sell homes….. An X-Ray tech.. A nurse….give a manicure. …cut hair… .. any type of a Mechanic… Pilot…. To drive a vehicle… Or a cdl to drive a tractor trailer.. I could go on. What’s the point. You get what I’m saying. 

So, to be a parent you just have to make a child and bear them.. Boom your a parent. Your handed this small squishy, fragile, tiny old man looking human. And expected to know what to do. . Breastfeeding…. Whoa another feat in its own. You can read all the books. Go to all the classes and still wind up with mastitis like I did twice! Sore cracked and bleeding nipples!!! And yes you are still expected to feed a tiny human. Yet alone said it and show it all of what you know! All while sitting on your sore, torn up, stitched up butt. oh and have to feed the baby every two hours all while tracking how much the pee and poop..  Visitors come and love the baby.. They go and you love that they left. Who the hell wants to have anyone visit when you are so sore tired and cranky… I felt badly for My husband. Man did I give him a time. 

How can this be good. I was never I instructed in how to raise a human. We’re left to reading books we find on Amazon. They share what works. Asking other parents what they do to survive? How is that good ???? Asking our parents who in turn were shown by their parents. . How to parent. We’re like ducks. Expecting out ducklings to follow us. We show them how to live.. Some pick it up some don’t. What to do? 

Grin and bear it? Yes.. That’s what is do.. Raising all daughters. It can be challenging at times. Teens are exactly like two and three year-olds. Seriously, one second everyone is happy and enjoying life. Three seconds later all hell breaks loose.. You step out of the shower and head yelling. Everyone is angry. I say I just got a shower. How did this occur? 

I try my best to do my best. I’m learning every day. Growing daily along with them.. I tell them I’m not perfect. I am fully honest with them. I do read many books.  I strive to have an open mind. I also ask them to call me out. If I’m going crazy or over stepping, tell me! Constructive criticism.. I welcome it. That however, is a thin line lol. Some times they can over step and were back to square one.. Lol then all I do is shovel some more coal in the crazy train and chug along. 

Hope this made you smile. Have great day. 

Saying goodbye respectfully while discovering me #8…

Of you read my blogs and I have been sounding like complaining. Sorry. 

My bedroom as a child was ups the stairs. The steps were on the left of the rowhome. Walk up to the top and make a right. The first room to Your left was the smaller bedroom of the two. It was my parents room for years until we became teens and then belonged to my brother. His room  had a queen bed, tv to watch\ game on and ac for when it was summertime. Continue down the (70’s brown panneling walls) hallway to the  bathroom on the left. Then immediately to the end was the entry to my shared with four people bedroom. My sister and I shared it to sleep. My parents bureau was in the too. It was a tall 5\6 drawer dresser. They used the broken down drop ceiling as the hanging closet. You could say I slept in a walking closet lol😹😹😹😹😹😹

There were three closets in the room. The one directly next to their huge bureau was indeed a large closet it housed all the hammy down clothes we got non stop from family wanting to help us. We didn’t need them nor did we wear them. They just piled up in the closet. My sister and I after discovering what was in that closet later on. Together we would Chuck  bags out to one anoyher from the second floor window on trash day to get rid of the piles slowly. My mom was a pack rat. She grew up super poor and I understand her wanting  to have in case we needed it.  Next to their bureau was my sister’s yellow bureau.  Three or four drawers. Then her bed…then a book shelf at the head of her bed. We used it to house books and act as a end table. Next to that was the make shift closet with a shelf filled with more stuff we didn’t use. Then my bed..and My vanity and My closet. I don’t remember if I had a bureau??? Whatever. Lol. Point being we had a tiny room. Tiny home. But it was filled with love. Yes. My home had some bad times. Mostly good. My outlook is that if I haven’t be through any of these experiences I would never be me.. 

We didn’t have a.c.  We had a box fan In My room.. My parents slept on the chair that snoopy fought with in the Charlie Brown’s thanksgiving special.(sofa bed) Lol 😁they did it. For ever. Growing up in my messed up home prepared me for anything life throws at me haaaa! It also taught me to appreciate life. As I have it today more then ever.  Have you ever lived poor. I have. My mom did her best to make it work. She did it without Pinterest or Instagram. No web search for dinner ideas. All in Her head and up as she went along. We’re all as aprents, making it up as we go along. I woke in the morning get my shovel our. Full it social and throw it it to the engine.. I keep on steaming along. As I write these blogs I am healing from my emotional trauma. It feels great to just write what I want from m my mind.. Thanks for reading 

Open my mind. ✊

Saying goodbye respectfully while discovering me #7

I absolutely love the Beatles. They helped me through some sad, dark times. 💖✊Beatles

So my last blog was about my worst sister moment ever. I used  beat myself up inside about it for  Like ten years.. I now know why I did that.  I felt so badly. About my actions that I ignored all of what she was doing to me. Accepting the constant disrespect yearly from her.She knew how to play me. She knew I had done wrong. Unlike her I admitted my mistake.  We had disconnected long before this last occurrence. Sad. Yes. I’m disappointed in myself for trying to find out the truth. She wouldn’t talk to me. Even before this occurrence.. I don’t know why she wouldn’t talk to me? ; just constant negative and inappropriate conversations.. She wanted me to,like a child, believe all of what she told me to be Gosple.  Always complaining about everything.. Being a mother and how  hard it was. Her first was a colicky baby.

(My second was. It was hard but we lived.. My first was pleasant. Always happy ☺smiling. Friendly. Second was side eye stink face lol. She would stare down people as a baby lol..My third was quiet strong type.)

It was draining. I honestly don’t understand why our conversations had to be negative all the time. I was a mother also. We had our kids close together.. I had my second when my oldest was 17 months old.. Having two babies in diapers was difficult. I potty trained them early, before two. They showed signs of being ready. So I ran with it.. My third was born when my second was 2 going to be 3 at the end of the month.. That was a Little easier.  She stopped after her second who is a year behind my second. Sorry for the run on.)

The point is how could we be born from the same family? Her out look was always negative. Always. We went to the same pediatric doctors office. She Always had a train wreck story about the office and the people and the doctors.. Why? Shit happens. You have to be flexible. We’re all people. We all make mistakes. We must learn from them. If not were the fool!

Time after time she went on and on and on about anything and everything that happened to her. It was a constant long drawn out fabrication… It was sad and hard to watch. I knew the story and she made up more and more. .

Draining. As a 45+ year-old woman she still does this.

The point of this all again is I learned from my mistakes and from Her actions towards me. She treated me As the ugly step sister long before I was the “bad” sister.. As I have mentioned her party days. She would drive a hour to meet people who didn’t  drive, to go out with them and they lived right around the corner from me ???👎

As I have mentioned. She would always forget my  kids birthdays. I would send gifts to hers for all majors. Christmas bdays 8 grad graduations. She never had them ever call or as easy as texting is text me today thanks. How rude?

I used to have both families over for birthday parties. It was fun until, my mom would act all weird. It was like she had to leave ten minutes after arriving; And I would have to leave my own child’s birthday parties to take only Her home. My father would stay. Later on I learned that  I would have to make him leave also. It used to enrage me. Making me leave my kids birthday party to drive her home. (Then it hit me.. I was too wrapped up I my sister’s negative world fogged with her negative outlook about my parents..) My father loves beer. I would tell him it was a child’s party, a dry party he would bring his own cooler. Yes a cooler with at least a 12 pack in it..No joke! Did I mention he pre-functioned also.  So when my mom would want to leave. It was when my father was getting torn up.. When my girls were little I was too busy to notice as I was hosting the party. Serving helping with cake and gifts etc.. As they got older. It hit me. So I made my father go home when my mother wanted to. Uber helped me not have to leave. Thank you uber!

I can remember back at one of my sister’s birthday parties. Maybe a milestone one 10\13. I cannot remember.. So she got the Barbie pool! Oooo I couldn’t wait to get my hands on it and p.l .a.y!!!!   It was the latest model. Had the kidney snapped blue pool on a makeshift deck. Sun chairs and umbrella. I was super excited to have fun!  So I’m there I believe my best friend who was just a neighborhood kid and my brother. My sister told me that I couldn’t play with her stuff but My best friend could..lol I retaliated like any child would. See my sister was always wanting me to not be with her unless it benefited her 100%. I shared from what I remember. Lol.

So my oldest turns 16. Mind You my sister is her God mother. The Christmas prior. I as it’s always me organizing the Family events.  I don’t mind. I love to cook. I love to have people over. So I Organized a family Christmas day we went to my mother’s. My husband didn’t see eye to eye with my sister’s lifestyle. I agreed with him and thank him for his outlook. I kept trying it patch up the relationship because of her children.. Her daughter was my God daughter. (So I organized this family event. We all made a dish. She brought her man the one who beat her last.. I never liked him.. So he claimed to have many allergies and had to bring a small back pack with him to cary epipens.. Ok I understand that.Remember this.. )

They also smoked weed. I have had it out with my parents many, many ,many times to not smoke anything around my kids. I used to have to weekly argue with them about this a teenager 12-23 when I finally moved out.. That is Why I choose not to visit them. I smell like a ash tray when we leave and cough for over a week. I don’t like it.My kids also suffer.. They come home and also cough for a week and have stuffy running noses. When they were little it would be a Christmas break of sick children just because I visited my parents..  I feel uncomfortable at their home. I’m sorry but I do..  I cannot Change them. I just only visit when it’s absolutely, necessary..birthdays. Not Christmas. Because the family event I had planned for a month.

Was ruined. So we’re all sitting in my parent’s home my husband dropped me off. Sadly they decided to smoke weed in the basement. My sister’s man brought his little bag of goodies and they all brazenly went down stairs right behind another like sheep. My mother,father and him..Her man. So they chose to go partake in smoking weed instead of spending time with the fami!y for Christmas? How often did I visit? Never…. I was livid .. My children in the house where drugs are being used. And!!! I allowed this. I have given  them all one last  chance to redeem themselves.. My mother and I had extensive conversations regarding them not smoking anything until I left. This was part of my planning.. Sadly, My mother promised me that she wouldn’t do it.. That was part of the bargaining deal.. My mother and sister have on many occasions smoked weed together.. I feel no matter the age of your child smoking weed with them is wrong  to me. I’m My opinion that is crossing the line. I was only there 1.5 hours.  Why couldn’t they have just waited and filled the entire house up with smoke. So, My sister went down with them for a bit to “check on the drums” were her words. She returned and then I smell it bellowing up the stairs.. My sister sees me.. My face has a major flash back.To my arguing days at home with my parents and their recreational days.  I felt horrible. No one is perfect. Not did I expect any perfection from them. But why mom. Why sister. Why disretspect my wishes. I feel like she (sister) was trying yet again to get me back.. So I was sitting there sad, disappointed, upset, nauseated, angry, I could go on..

I immediately text my husband. To pick me up. I was going to walk home. Sadly, before this all happened I always prepared my kids. I had to  say if  we have to leave no questions asked and no resistance. Ok kids I would always say before going to my parents. It’s sad. I have to hAve and emergency plan for them while visiting my parents. My parents are a different blog lol.

So after that fun family event. I finally learned my place.. I cut ties to my mom dad and sister. For months. I needed to heal. I don’t care what anyone does for fun. Don’t do it around my children no matter their ages..how the he’ll am I supposed to get all after school special on them about not doing drugs if they know their anut and grandparents do them. How??? That’s why I’m so upset about this all . I was told for months by my sister and brother that I was indeed over reacting some. How?? How can anyone tell me how to feel about my babies. Were they there in  the labor room for 12+ hours labouring? We’re they up late night breastfeeding babies with mastitis??? No

My brother was trying to sew the tattered weathered family ties back together.. What happens when the fabric is destroyed by dry rot? Look now I know  I was different from birth. Completely different, From them all like I was Matilda..watch the movie. You will get me then. I grew up with drugs and alcohol. I chose not to partake in that life.. I can remember sitting in my living room as my parents were getting high and drunk. My uncle would visit. He was legally blind and walked to our home. He would drink. But not get trashed. He taught me how to play cards. He spent time with me. In am grateful for him. I miss him and love him for the support he didn’t even know  was giving me. His previous time he gave me at a time I needed his guidance was priceless. He showed me light in the dark room.. Also, that there could be light in a dark room lol. Also, that distant light that is at the end of the tunnel, is not and incoming freight train out of control.. Or better yeT it didn’t have to be a freight 🚆.

I’m going to stop now. It’s draining me just talking about this crap.  Thanks for reading. Open my mind.

Comment. Thanks 👍💖

Saying goodbye respectfully while discovering me #5


We always had problems with our washer or dryer or both at some point in my life. My mom asked my sister and I to take the pilled up dirty laundry for five people in two collapsible iron carts. The type that had a large back wheel and smaller front wheel. They hummed as you pulled them so, people could hear you coming and going.. They were our life. Our station wagon. The clothes were nicely shoved into two 30 gallon black trash bags. Packed. I was maybe 10\12 years old.. She was 15\16.. Maybe even 17.  She was livid.. Never wanted to do it was so embarrassed to have this happen..what would the neighbors say??? Mind you my row home was nestled between two abandoned homes. Ok. They neighbors were all mostly old.. We walked the ave. Would the prostitutes care we were dragging two 30 gallon black trash bags inside two iron collapsible carts?? How about the drug dealers?? Or the Johns??? You couldn’t hear anything walking.. People drive with loud systems. Blaring music.. The EL was so loud running every ten mins. It took us about 20 mins to walk to the laundromat. I’m surprised I was never mugged with my huge pocket of change, jiggling the entire way walking there.. We must have looked super poor. They had pity on our souls. Or heard about her heroic actions on 15 th street? Lol🙀yes I have to joke.. It’s my livelihood. How get through the day.. Ok. We finally arrived at the laundromat. I had went a few times with my mom before and learned some techniques.   So I sprang  into action.. Grabbing three large washers..throwing clothes into them to claim my spots.. Same with the dryers. 

This went on for a few months. Rain etc. It built me up to appreciate the washer a neck of a lot more. Going to the Laundromat has it’s ups. I got $1 to spend on and artic splash iced tea and a bag of chips.  Yes!!! I sat in the huge window at the laundromat watching people like a 🐱.. We played uno..got out of the house, where both my parents chain smoked to the point of my furniture when you would hit the cushions literally nicotine dust would come bellowing  🔥 out! Lol😂 She eventually stopped going with me and my bff went along with me. I gained years of friendship strengthening that I didn’t realize was happening at that moment.😁 I now am truly grateful for those laundromat days. It was like the boys around the camp  fire on stand by me. Talking about anything and everything. We found ourselves in those moments without even realizing it.. Only a true friend would fold your father’s ” tightie whities “. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Laundromat days. We’re my wildwood days. I never went on a family vacation. My back yard was my oasis.  I honestly never knew vacations until my aunt would take me with her to wAtch her kids while she laid on the beach or had fun.. I went camping with her also and did the same thing. Babysat for her and my pay was a “vacation” .. Did I like it nope. Her one kid was a terror. Tantrums constantly.  She would shove Reese cups in his face to shut him up.  He is now a recovering addict.. he has been homeless. And in jail. Has two kids that my aunt is raising.. I heard he was to be mArried. I wish him all the best. 

I honestly never looked back at my life and complained too much. Was it hard. Yes. Was it ideal? Nope…  Diamonds are made with pressure and They still shine.. My sister and I would I admit, complain about our lives. I didn’t like my parents drinking every weekend. It was the absolute worst time in my life, also very interesting.. If I had any complaints would be how they partied till the am hours.. My father getting so drunk he forgot where the bathroom was. Also, once he decided to bust in my bedroom door (I shared it with my sister and we didn’t have a door knob, it was a hollow wood door the cheap flake board made door.. We busted a hole in it to make a door know so we could open and close it lol) and pee allover my nicely folded laundry fresh from the laundromat.. May I say the clothes were on my night stand and it was right next to my bed. If he would have turned a little I would have had a golden shower.. This was 12\1 am when this happened. The next day, I had to (in a snow storm) take my clothes on a sled to My aunt’s house, like a good 10 min walk. That was turned into a 25-30 min walk due to the snow. My bff went along. I was pissed.. Don’t get me wrong. At the same time it’s was sad, annoying, embarrassing, yet funny.. Thank God for My aunt who had my other aunt and their husband’s over. They made me laugh so hard. Gave me snacks and helped me forget about what happened while the clothes were being washed. I cannot remember if I walked home that evening. 

My father and I had discussed this moment we shared in a sad way.. He thought he took my clothes to be washed. Lol 😁😁 I laughed so hard. I reminded him what happened. He was feeling bad about it all. I said is what it is. If that didn’t happen I would have gone to My aunt’s with my bff. Experienced that fun night of them showing me how to let it roll off.. Also they knew all about drunk father’s. My grandfather was and alcoholic.. 

Thanks for reading. Keep. And open mind..smile. Love life.. We are alive 😉 

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